Happy April!

 Happy April!

Welcome back! I know it’s been a bit, but life is busy, and priorities are different these days, so I have to remind myself that sometimes I need to sit down and write. Not just to update you all, not that there is much to update on, but more to process my own jumbled thoughts and move through them. You are all my own personal sounding board, and I’m glad your here for it!

April is a big month for me. And became even bigger over 6 years ago for an entirely different reason. It’s a month for me to reflect not only on my path as an occupational therapist and celebrate my career accomplishments, but it is also a month for me to recognize the obstacles that were placed by the universe to make that path more challenging and change its direction.

Occupational Therapy Month allows our profession to be recognized for its unyielding dedication to quality of life, a term that, in my opinion, is incredibly under-rated by society. Throughout this pandemic, survival has been the focus. But no one seems to care how the quality of life of those impacted by COVID-19 infections has changed. Sure they are alive, but what does that actually look like? They have lost jobs, loved ones, the ability to walk, swallow, smell, see, think clearly, drive, brush their own teeth and wipe themselves, among many other things. And still, no one is paying attention. Meanwhile, occupational therapists are the ones that are there with them; and will continue to be with them, to help them gain back the quality of life that was lost. And don’t forget, the past two years have broken us too, and yet we still show up for you and your family. To help you cope, heal, and live again. If you have an OT in your life, give them a hug. They love their jobs more than anything and it brings them a massive sense of joy to watch their patients succeed and live full lives, but the world around us is making it harder and harder to continue to show up and put in the work. Regardless of your beliefs, we help you. Regardless of your lack of helping yourselves and others, we will pick you back up. We do it over and over and over again on a daily basis with little thanks and recognition for the change we bring. Because it’s what we are called to do, and it brings us joy among the madness. I am so grateful for the team I am a part of, and all of the amazing therapists that have taught me along the way. It’s because of them that I am where I am.

Now, as you may have guessed, April is also Oral Cancer Awareness Month. And as I sit here with yet another raging case of oral thrush of “unknown cause,” I am a tangle of thoughts and emotions. The past four months, I have had multiple skin rashes in my radiation zone, ongoing reoccurring thrush in mouth and an ear infection from my allergies. All things that were not a part of my pre cancer life. And they come on whenever they choose, and seem to trigger each other, and it is endlessly frustrating. I am on a wait list for dermatology. And am grateful to have an amazing family doctor who is always on the ball for me, but many don’t have that. Having a month of awareness brings funding, research and ultimately cures for a population of people that continues to grow larger by the day. But it doesn’t highlight the after cancer life, and for those of us living it, it can be a heavy reminder that our quality of life is now different because we survived. I will be 34 years old this October. And I was 26 when I was diagnosed. I am now at a place where I can’t remember how my body felt before cancer. I can’t remember a day free of some kind of pain. I can’t remember how I sounded when I spoke, or what it was like to chew on both sides of my mouth or swallow without thinking about whether or not my bite was too big. I put a piece of gum in my mouth last week for the first time in almost seven years, because I was afraid I would lose control and choke on it. But I did it, and it felt so strange, but in a good way. I do remember I use to be able to ripple my tongue, and it was something I was strangely proud to show off. But now I have a new normal. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. My husband, my family, my dog children, my job, my friends, and all the travel and fun I get to experience make me feel so privileged and blessed. But I don’t love the ongoing extra appointments and medical mysteries, the chronic pain, the never ending physical therapy and reliance on modern medicine to keep me thriving.

April reminds me that I am where I am because of occupational therapy. And I am also here because of oral cancer. Two worlds colliding in a way that has allowed me to both survive and pursue a good quality of life.

I listened to a video the other day, and the message was this: you don’t know what your life will become, and if you can stay positive, feel the emotions, and keep moving ahead in the darkest times, you might just get a glimpse of the bigger picture, of how your trials and ability to persevere through, can have an impact on much more than just your own path. So we snap out of our bad days, knowing that we can give someone else a better one. Find the beauty in your pain, focus on it, and not only will your life change for the better, but so will lives of those around you.

So that is what I will keep doing. Stay on the path ahead of me, with all of its twists, turns, hills, and valleys, while just trying to enjoy the beauty along the way.

As always, I am so thankful to those of you that keep me grounded, on track, and uplifted. I would truly be lost without your support and love. And try to remember the words of a very wise man. the one and only Albus Dumbledore, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."